Have You Ever Been the Wrong Person?

Have you ever been so Fucked up in the Head from Domestic Violence that you knew deep down in the core of your fiber that you were the wrong person?  That you were not living on ANY of the Eight Fold Paths - any Christian Virtues - that you were consumed by your Nafs?

What do you do when you are the wrong person?  When deep down inside you know you've hidden yourself - even from yourself? 

That you took everything that was precious and beautiful and hid it so he couldn't find it and destroy it.  You did it to save your very soul because you knew fundamentally that was his goal - if he couldn't own you like an object, he would destroy you...

That's what Domestic Violence is.  Its not just the many acts of throwing an animals down the stairs, breaking collar bones and jaws and scaring everyone around them.  Its not just the act of threatening to shoot Buddy in the head.  Its not just threatening to leave you homeless and penniless.  Its not just threatening to destroy your boss's life an his family.  Its not just the act of threatening to beat up the one person in Portola that tells you about the girlfriend on the side.  Domestic Violence is a pervasive hunt to obtain or destroy another human life and blame them for it.

And when that was my life, I did EVERYTHING to protect myself - even hid myself.  And it takes YEARS of guidance from a gentle Sufi named Sidi Al Jamal to help me break through to my REAL self.  I had to break into my Very

Own Soul to become who I have always been...

Someone Beautiful.  Someone Precious.  Someone Honest.  Someone True.

And even now, others want to be with me, not for me, but for the pretty picture.  They want to own a picture, not share the great mystery that is Life with a person and I have to hold them all away because the truth is Keanu

Drake and You were the only right people I ever wanted in my life...

Back then, I was just the wrong person at the wrong time...

I'm sorry I ever said otherwise, and I would have done it again because fundamentally, I knew that I would eventually be the right person at the right time...

Sidi and Iman Ali gave me that hope...that I would find myself and that I was Beloved...because back then, I was so messed up, I didn't even know that...and I am forever grateful to both of them because no one else even knew what was wrong, much less how to help....